by 
After months of being away or busy, I finally carved out a few hours to beat GTA 4. I won’t go into the many ways this game disappointed me (it’s been downhill since Vice City, IMHO) and the few ways it thrilled me. Instead, I was driven to write because I had a realization, coming back to the game after so long.
You can’t escape yourself in a video game. At least I can’t.
Sure, video games are the great escape. I can jump into videogameland and get out all my supposed frustrations by blowing up police helicopters, jumping on mushrooms and riding red robotic dogs- things I wouldn’t do in the real world. (…yet…)
But I can’t escape myself- I can’t escape my personality- not completely.
In GTA 4 you save the game by going to one of your Safe Houses- apartments scattered around the city. You can park cars at your various houses, and when you return to the game, they’ll be there waiting for you. Logging back into the game, I noticed that I had stashed a bunch of the best cars available in the game at each safe house. So I ambled out of my virtual apartment and jumped into a Viper. And sat in the car. And thought. And waited. And proceeded to get out of the car.
“If I use this car, it’ll probably get wrecked, or shot at, or I’ll leave it somewhere and won’t bring it back… Better not waste it.” So I went off on foot, wasting a lot of time instead as I tried to hunt down a decent car on the streets of Liberty City. I kept on doing this every time I loaded a game or ended up at a different safe house. Out of curiosity, I loaded up some of my oldest games.
The same cars were parked in front of each house. I had NEVER once used any of these cars I’d parked. And I found that I couldn’t use them, or I’d get a pang of regret.
Just like real life. I’m a forager. I hate wasting things. I get buyer’s remorse before I buy something. And I couldn’t escape this- even in a video game. Hell, thinking back, I never spent virtual money in NES games I played as a kid- no wonder I never beat an RPG!
I’ve noticed this before in other ways. I’m phone-phobic in real life. In GTA 4 I don’t pick up my phone if I don’t have to. I tend to be shy in front of strangers. I never once started up a conversation in any of the MMOs I’ve played.
I imagine all of you have experienced this to some extent. How has your actual personality shone through while playing a game?
In most video games, I play a socially retarded wanderer who searches out secrets and world-edges with little regard for “why” he’s in any particular place. I am not afraid to fall off a cliff, and I will try the same thing upwards of twelve times before deciding it’s pointless. I occasionally stand in front of my computer-generated friends for hours, waiting for them to do something, before eventually getting bored and clubbing them in the knees. Is that a refutation, or further evidence of your point? You decide.
In most video games, I play a socially retarded wanderer who searches out secrets and world-edges with little regard for “why” he’s in any particular place. I am not afraid to fall off a cliff, and I will try the same thing upwards of twelve times before deciding it’s pointless. I occasionally stand in front of my computer-generated friends for hours, waiting for them to do something, before eventually getting bored and clubbing them in the knees. Is that a refutation, or further evidence of your point? You decide.