What a decade it has been for the political. From “Captain Earth-melt” Al Gore conceding the 2000 election to George W. Bush and the subsequent butchery of the English language that followed, to an historic 2008 Presidential campaign, tea baggers, and an aura of tomfoolery that grasped onto our politicians and just would not let go. The 00s had it all, baby, and I’m not talking to you John Edwards’ bastard child! Without further interruption the Top Ten Political Snafus of the 00s…
#10 The Scream heard round the world
At the end of his concession speech following the 2004 Iowa caucus Governor Howard Dean let out a scream some of us still hear in our dreams. After rounding the lower 48 apparently Governor Dean, MD had a plan to go to DC, take back the white house and scare the holy shit out of children everywhere.
#9 Client #9
Although I no longer live, there New York is my home. And after struggling through three terms of Governor George Pataki I was delighted when New Yorkers elected Mr. Clean himself, Eliot Spitzer, Governor in 2006. There he remained until his public name changed from Governor of New York to Client #9…and this one still stings.
This adorable nine year old explains the situation.
#8 The wolves had a better shot
America’s #1 genius, former Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska appeared in Wasilla on November 20, 2008 to partake in an American politician’s favorite pastime – pardoning a Turkey. While the ceremony may have won the Pabst Blue Ribbon seal of approval from a few Joe Average, New Yorkers and the Midwestern Wal Mart demographic alike grimaced in horror as a turkey had its neck ground to smithereens on live TV.
#7 John Stewart – a People’s Champion
No he isn’t a politician. He’s a comedian that hosts a parody news program on a cable network. Yet somehow he may have been the only person in the 00s to head to a 24/7 news network show and tell the pundits of the decade, to their face, that they’re nothing more than hacks providing opinion under the veil of news to an overworked, underpaid and vulnerable American public.
#6 Senator “Macaca” hits the campaign trail
During the contentious and monumental 2006 campaign season the son of an ex-football coach and Reagan enthusiast brought new terminology to the American racial scene – Macaca. There’s nothing like trying to rile up an electorate by making fun of the one guy who doesn’t look like everyone else. Unless he’s the one holding the camera.
#5 Not your Father’s Appalachia
Governor Mark Sanford (R-SC) went “hiking in the Appalachians” in June 2006. As it turned out the Appalachians must have been the nickname of his Argentinean mistress’ most prized assets. The best part of this ordeal? Not the painfully embarrassing confession but Keith Olbermann’s rendition of Mr. Sanford’s steamy emails. See Keith read Mr. Sanford’s “pearls of wisdom” at the: 51 mark.
#4 Bush dodges Shoes
Twinkle toes starts thinking quickly on his feet for the first time in his Presidency during a December 14, 2008 news conference in Iraq.
*Author’s note to shoe tosser – You, sir, fucked up royally. You had an opportunity to smack W upside the head with a size 8 Iraqi loafer and you blew it. AND YOU GOT OFF TWO SHOES?
#3 Dick Cheney shot a guy in the face gate
John Stewart breaks it down in this clip.
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#2 Folksy guy supports wife with cancer by banging his videographer, spawns love child
A former United States Senator, two-time Presidential contender and Kenneth Parcell lookalike. A champion of the working class and those struggling to get above the poverty line. Also, apparently a HUGE douche. With funds from his campaign he essentially paid a mistress hush money and was busted visiting his new baby at a hotel by the National Enquirer. Keep it classy, John. And while you’re at it keep that marble mouthed, deep-fried southern bullshit you call an apology to yourself because you sir are a disappointment.
#1 Mission Accomplished?
With a giant banner reading “Mission Accomplished” across the command deck, President George W. Bush strapped on his best Maverick costume and somehow did NOT crash land a jet onto the deck of the USS Lincoln on May 2, 2003. This event was the epitome of political. Drama? Check. President in pilot suit? Check. The President supposedly flying a plane? Check. A symbol of America’s military might loaded full of heroes? Check. The President giving a speech in which he lies to the American people for the purpose of political convenience? Also, check.
Will Ferrell does an incredible skit while sporting W’s garbs from the unforgettable moment below.