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Top 10 Things that happen in movies, that (almost) never happen in real life

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I went to the movies recently to see, “The Collector,” which by the way is blah. Nonetheless, in between fighting my sleep and anger, I realized that there are tons of instances in movies that are portrayed as normal behavior and common occurrences, that are down right off base and absurd.

10.) The ripping of clothing during sex. Come on. Seriously. I don’t know too many women who want their clothes destroyed. I’m not saying it never happens but…

9.) Indestructible cars. In movies, cars can run into anything, and keep moving (not to mention, there’s always a tractor trailer involved). But if my car jumps the curb, axle ruined.

8.) Men with superhuman strength. What the hell is the deal with these villains in scary movies being able to pick people up by their necks, or get shot in the chest ten times and keep moving. They are supposed to be psychopaths, not aliens.

7.) Love. Give me a break.

6.) Men interrupting weddings. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who has the balls. My family would kick someones ass. Period.

5.) Oh, and speaking of weddings…do these people never have receptions? You just throw rice, jump in your jalopy with the cans dragging, and ride off into the sunset?

4.) Funerals. Ten people standing at a grave site in the rain. Hmmmm.

3.) Dinner is either at a fancy restaurant, or Chinese take-out (eaten out of the classic carton, with chopsticks). Never anything in between…like “T. G. I. Fridays.”

2.) Does anybody, anybody, ANYBODY, pull out?

1.) My truck broke down on the side of the road, in the middle of nowhere. My cell phone gets no service, neither does my girlfriends. It’s the hottest day in history, and though the sun is at high noon, in 45 minutes it will be dark. Passersby are only coming once every 20 minutes. The next one, who will be driving a truck more raggedy than mine, I will flag down for help. (Sigh)
Where were we coming from?
Where are we going?
If the trip was going to be this far, why didn’t we just rent a car?
I knew we should’ve gone with Verizon. They got towers everywhere.

9 thoughts on “Top 10 Things that happen in movies, that (almost) never happen in real life”

  1. Victor Pineiro says:

    This is amazing advice. More TGI Fridays, less love. That’s going to be my new Hollywood mantra.

    #2 – brilliant.

  2. Victor Pineiro says:

    This is amazing advice. More TGI Fridays, less love. That’s going to be my new Hollywood mantra.

    #2 – brilliant.

  3. Jamie says:

    Amen to #9 and #8: There’s no such thing as “sorta broken” in the movies, even though that’s arguably the most common state of affairs in real life. There are no broken collarbones or bent axles. Cars, buildings and people only exist in two possible states: indestructible or exploding.

    Speaking of explosions, amen to #2 also.

  4. Jamie says:

    Amen to #9 and #8: There’s no such thing as “sorta broken” in the movies, even though that’s arguably the most common state of affairs in real life. There are no broken collarbones or bent axles. Cars, buildings and people only exist in two possible states: indestructible or exploding.

    Speaking of explosions, amen to #2 also.

  5. Hawkes Klein says:

    I have a friend who is marrying someone rather large and the came to visit and got friskey in my living room and the next morning I found her shirt ripped in half. Sort of awesome.

  6. Hawkes Klein says:

    I have a friend who is marrying someone rather large and the came to visit and got friskey in my living room and the next morning I found her shirt ripped in half. Sort of awesome.

  7. Ji-Un Kwon says:

    Can we also discuss how there’s ALWAYS an available parking space… in NYC….?

  8. jess says:

    #2 – brilliant

  9. jess says:

    #2 – brilliant

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