by 
I never realized that my best friend Hank wrote the best emails on the eve of major life events, while properly sloshed. This one is so classic I couldn’t resist sharing it.
* * * * * *
Well, I’m going to start this when I’m fairly drunk. I guess in some sense that’s appropriate.
You’re getting married on Saturday. It kind of blows my mind. I haven’t decided if I’m comfortable handling that world. But I envy you for making it work. Making it right. It was kind of a weird speech at your bachelor party but I meant every word. You’ve solved the problem. To be happy. But in a way, in a certain kind of way that makes the rest of it work. To be able to do everything else you want to do with a base that makes it work. Its a privilege. And a right.
I don’t truly know your wife. I’ll admit that. I should know her better, but for some reason, I’m not worried. Because I will know her better. It’ll happen in that right kind of way.
She knows that I give a shit about you. And I know I give a shit about her. And, well, there you have it. F. scott Fitzgerald and Zelda making their way in the wilderness.
Go fuck yourselves for making it work. Go fuck yourselves for being happy. And God Bless the both of you for knowing the right thing at the right time and loving each other till death do you part.
Congratulations. It’s a wedding, so we’re only gonna have semi-superficial conversations for the next few days, but congrat-a-fuckin-lations. Its a beautiful thing.
I hope I can help with a vote of confidence.
Congratulations.
XXXXXXX
I have found that this email, like most emails, is best if you imagine Colin Farrell reading it aloud.
“Goo Fock Yersalves fer Maekin’ et Wohrk!”
This is the only use I have for Colin Farrell. If he stopped making movies, and started reading emails aloud, I think he would be quite successful.
I have found that this email, like most emails, is best if you imagine Colin Farrell reading it aloud.
“Goo Fock Yersalves fer Maekin’ et Wohrk!”
This is the only use I have for Colin Farrell. If he stopped making movies, and started reading emails aloud, I think he would be quite successful.
Your go-to fake friend name is “Hank?”
Your go-to fake friend name is “Hank?”
Hank would be devastated to hear you refer to him as fake.
Hank would be devastated to hear you refer to him as fake.