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WTF America

This will be the first in a series of i%&$#&%$#^%$#^%$#@^$%#^%&^**&^%&^&^* rants that reflect how annoyed I am about the unfortunate bulerfskhgfsiut co#%rdl#%kjmonger#%#asing dumbass fdf#%esu#king national conversation we’re having right now. Clearly brought to you by the good people behind Scotts Brown’s victory in the Senate yesterday.

What the fuck America. Guys. Really. Are we doing this? Are we going to screw ourselves so fucking bad that we can’t walk straight for years and half our lip goes numb and starts leaking spit? We need to Wake. The fuck. Up.

Right now there is a man named Glen Beck paid to go on television and claim we have the best healthcare in the world. And people believe him. WHAT THE FUCK!!! Dude. It’s not. Not even close. What the fuck is wrong with admitting that hey, maybe we oughta fix this shit? Are we middle aged housewives reading The Secret and convincing ourselves that thinking positively about the sorry fucking state of our healthcare system is somehow going to magically turn things around? Are we doing daily affirmations like Stewart Smalley to keep our collective self esteem above suicide levels? We have a problem. A serious fucking problem. Let’s fix it. This is not a point of contention. This is not up for discussion. This is US as a people coming together to fight for a common purpose. This is what we should be doing. And instead, we listen to beauty queens and snake oil salesman who know that telling people what they want to hear means higher ratings, which means more money from big pharma who gets to run ads full of happy people in poppy fields and sixty year old men who just figured out that a little pill means they can still fuck twenty two year old strippers.

Last year, we barely survived an apocolyptic, empire crushing downward spiral that could have destroyed a whole lotta shit. Do you have any idea what would’ve happened if we had actually hit a full on vicious cycle!?!? Ten percent unemployment would be a fucking dream. As it stands now, we’re sucking wind – schools, roads, social services – it’s all in trouble. But instead of banding together and thanking the Lord that we averted disaster as we try to rebuild, people are blaming Obama for the sorry fucking state of the system right now!? What the fuck America? Don’t we realize that he manned up, took the punch, and then did a damn good fucking job of staving off catastrophe!? WOW. A President who decided to actually do his job instead of pandering to populist sentiment? Who woulda thunk it.

And why does the concept of a competent government make republicans piss their pants? If government isn’t supposed to do anything, what the fuck are they getting paid for? Oh right, I’m sorry, I forgot. There’s a dirty little fucking secret about modern Republicanism – it’s not about saving the American people money or limiting the size of government, it’s about outsourcing government function to their hunting buddies in the private sector who get to charge 50 fucking dollars for a goddamn military ration and then spend it on hookers in Thailand. Yes. That is in fact what’s happening. Not hyperbole. Not bullshit. Wake up. One year out of office doesn’t magically turn them into Jimmy Stewarts. They’re still being paid by the same guys.

We are being held hostage by a corporate culture full of aging executives unable to comprehend competition in the new economy. They’re scared, and the only way they know how to survive is to spend billions of dollars on campaign contributions and lobbying in the desperate attempt to maintain an astoundingly inefficient status quo. This is not market forces at work. This is America getting fucked. Hard.

It needs to stop.

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