Everybody knows that as we get older, the awe-struck wonder of childhood is replaced by the bleak, meaningless drudgery of adult obligations.
There is no Santa Claus, only long lines and traffic jams and airport delays and family problems and a shitty economy.
But lucky for us, one supergroup of holy elves (I’m guessing at ethnicity) assembles to bring the mystery and magic back into the holiday season for millions of jaded adults, just like they’ve been doing for the last five thousand years.
Witness the explosion of heavenly light:
At the risk of ruining everything, I went to their website. After the jump, ten things I learned:
10. TSO has thirty-six(!) members, 24 men and 12 women.
9. During the other eleven months of the year, members of TSO return to their pine-scented, gift-wrapped cryogenic pods for hypersleep.
8. 100% of the female members are hot.
7. One of the guitar players is Alex Skolnick from the metal band Testament.
6. If you decorate your house to make the lights blink in time to TSO music, you can win a free trip to Chicago.
5. TSO has two guys who don’t play instruments, just narrate.
4. There hasn’t been a new member since the Crusades, due to the grueling century-long apprenticeship required of all candidates.
3. According to Part Three of TSO’s Christmas Trilogy, the other side of eternity is somewhere after today but before tomorrow.
2. TSO is playing tonight in Green Bay, Wisconsin and Providence, Rhode Island at the exact same time. Magic.
1. I want this poster: