Lady, It’s A Food Court

Okay, so there is a phenomenon that for some reason has lived under the radar for decades. And at this very moment, I am sitting in the midst of it typing this post on my Blackberry, over what some people apparently consider a feast. Where am I, and what is this ghostly phenomenon? A food court.

Every city, except New York, is subjected to the hamster mazes that are shopping malls. But the cheese, so to speak, lies in these hubs, these apexes, these nuclei referred to as food courts. Food courts are generally strip malls inside of non-strip malls displaying a hodgepodge of shitty food. At least I guess it’s food. I mean, let’s face it, the only thing I, and most people eat in these damned things is bourbon chicken, and that’s only because of the free giveaway. Other than that, I really couldn’t tell you much about the other vendors. Steak Escape…ummmm I dont think they really sell steak (I hope not), I think it’s steakummmms. Boardwalk fries. You guessed it. Fries, that you can put vinegar on. Pretzel places, cookie places, candy places. Whatever, just give me the bourbon chicken, and tell me some lie about how Asians are really displaced cajuns, or something like that.

Anyway, I just wanted to say…today…at the food court…I was waiting in line for my bourbon chicken, and some crazy soccer mom too old for Ugg boots (ENOUGH WITH THE UGGS!) orders sushi. SUSHI. FROM THE FOOD COURT. I wanted to tap her on the shoulder and say, “Lady…I know you love the food court, but you have to remember that you are buying food in a mall. So…think it over.” Then, when she gets all flustered, I’ll reach up and grab a sweet morsel of what I’m told is chicken, drenched in a sauce I’m told is bourbon, and say, “Here, try this.”

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10 Responses

  1. Ben says:

    Great post. Where is this food court? Looks like it’s on Mars.

  2. Ben says:

    Great post. Where is this food court? Looks like it’s on Mars.

  3. Mike Wroblewski says:

    Nice. Food courts definitely scare me. (There is one in the Manhattan Mall, well it’s under renovations, but it was there at one point). Pretty soon there are going to be skyscrapers completely dedicated to providing all your living needs in one structure. Kind of like an entire city in a building. Malls and food courts, especially this one, are a step towards that. All they need to do is add an apartment complex on the higher levels. I’m pretty sure Japan already has the first underground city. Creepy…..EVERYONE! STOP MAKING SO MANY BABIES!

  4. karl neef says:

    Ben, this food court is in the Canal Walk shopping mall in Cape Town, South Africa.

  5. karl neef says:

    Ben, this food court is in the Canal Walk shopping mall in Cape Town, South Africa.

  6. Someone says:

    Yep. I agree with Karl. I was just surfing Google Images when I noticed this picture popped up as the first. Fancy that, a hardly-known food court in South Africa on the front page.

    Not that I’ve ever eaten there. *shudders* But it is filled to the top during weekends.

  7. Someone says:

    Yep. I agree with Karl. I was just surfing Google Images when I noticed this picture popped up as the first. Fancy that, a hardly-known food court in South Africa on the front page.

    Not that I’ve ever eaten there. *shudders* But it is filled to the top during weekends.

  8. mike says:

    Actually gentleman, the food in this particular food court at Canal walk Cape Town is not so bad,with the exception of Mcdonalds of course in my opinion…. There are in fact some very good restaurants there too that I have personally used on many occasions with my whole family and a select few sometimes just with my wife. We used to live about 10 minutes away from this Mall before we left SA.

  9. mike says:

    Actually gentleman, the food in this particular food court at Canal walk Cape Town is not so bad,with the exception of Mcdonalds of course in my opinion…. There are in fact some very good restaurants there too that I have personally used on many occasions with my whole family and a select few sometimes just with my wife. We used to live about 10 minutes away from this Mall before we left SA.

  1. May 2, 2010

    […] of what I’m told is chicken, drenched in a sauce I’m told is bourbon, and say, “Here, try this.” May 2nd, 2010 | Tags: FOOD AND DRINK, Food Court | Category: FOOD AND […]

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