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Top 10 Things That Should Be Retro’d

In a country where all the good ideas have been taken by all the awesome people in other countries, we’ve resorted to repetition. I mean really, who doesn’t like their parents clothes, or music, or drug habits? It’s pretty much the basis of this whole pop culture thing. I remember being in seventh grade, and the new new Jordans came out, and all the girls were wearing bell-bottoms! Weird. Now, those new new Jordans, are the new old Jordans. Also known as Retro Jordans. This whole retro crap is interesting, and I can’t lie, I dig it usually. There’s nothing like the return of instrumentation in Black music, or fitted clothing, or earth awareness, and awesome remakes of dope cars, like the Mustang, and the Charger. I mean, clearly retro is the new new! So here’s my Top 10 things that should be retro’d.


1.) The Acura Vigor. All the car folks know what I’m talking about. ACURA…make it happen.

2.) Low Fives. As in reallll fives. Not dap. Not pounds. Not secret handshakes. Good ol’ fashion hand slaps. (Not High Fives either.)

3.) Red-haired people. I mean…come on. They are endangered, for Christ’s sake!

4.) Oregon Trail. This time you die from getting hit by a bus.

5.) Hip-Hop. Okay, so I know everyone is like, “It’s got some retro elements, yadda yadda yadda. I’m talkin’ like rapper’s delight style!)

6.) Gold Nugget rings. Gangsta. Period.

7.) Fresca Soda. And Fanta.

8.) Waterguns. What the hell happened to waterguns! WTF!!!

9.) Marilyn Monroe. White women…NO women should be stick figures. Full figures are awesome…trust me…I know.

10.) The El Camino. I mean, it’s a car…and a truck! The original “hybrid.”

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