Top Ten reasons why John McCain can’t and won’t be the next President of the United States.
10. John McCain. He is one major reason he is not being elected. No need to elaborate.
9. The North Vietnamese. Whatever his torturers did to make him move like Frankenstein ruined his TV presence for all future debates.
8. Global warming. This proven scientific reality has been long denied by his party, and it makes him appear out of touch.
7. Abortion. I have felt that Republicans let down their most passionate supporters by dropping the ball on abortion issues the six years they held unchallenged power. They did so because abortion needs to be legal for the good of humanity.
6. Cindy McCain. Not only does she represent everything that is wrong with his tax policy, but she has about as much warmth as Pluto. Look at what a rich heiress wife did for John Kerry in 2004.
5. Sarah Palin. If elected VP this woman would have a 1 in 7 chance of being president. The last thing we need is another dull-witted, born again Christian president who just can’t wait to welcome Christ on his second coming.
4. The war in Iraq. This was a huge mistake and needs to end. The only way we will ever win this one is to achieve energy independence.
3. George Bush. Any undecided voter who hasn’t seen Will Ferrell as President Bush endorsing McCain must watch it now. When you are about to vote for McCain I want you to pause and think about George Bush’s face.
2. The economy. I think everyone realized what happens when you let the greediest people control everything. Deregulation = more corporate crime and instability.
1. Barack Obama. This guy is the most inspiring politician of our generation. He has plans that will help us reestablish our nation’s former economic, technological, and civic leadership. He won’t do things like send helicopter gun ships and special forces into Siria on a whim like Bush just did.
The good news is all signs are pointing to an Obama victory, which brings me to my last point. John McCain can only be elected by massive voter fraud and Diebolt shenanigans. If he manages to pull off a win, he will have about as much legitimacy to govern the US of A as Kim Jong Ill. My message to Obama is never concede defeat no matter what the tampered ballots say. You have clearly won the hearts and minds of America, and I cannot accept McCain as my president. If elected McCain will be the harbringer of death to the American Democracy. Obama, stand stong. Our prayers and future are with you.