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My dad thinks Global Warming is cyclical

Weso?ych ?wi?t! Joyeux Noel! ¡Feliz Navidad! – translation – Adios Santa, you have nowhere to live!

Originally uploaded by Miss Aniela

According to this article on CNN today the ice on the North Pole could COMPLETELY MELT this summer!
All of it! We could just head up there and canoe around!
It’s comforting to know that scientists have pretty much given up and are now sitting around the laboratory drinking beer out of graduated cylinders and contributing to the office global-warming pool.

“It’s a situation where we hate to say we told you so, but we told you so,”

Really? Reaaaaaaaally guys? You’re going to get all smug about it?

“There’s also, or course, oil at the bottom of the Arctic Ocean,” he said. “Now, the irony of that is kind of clear but the fact that we are opening up the Arctic Ocean does make it more accessible.”

Oh hilarious.

After the jump the most amusing things I do to help save the environment.

Coming from a family where my uncle describes himself as “A Violent Non-Recycler,” it’s a pretty big deal to me to try to take care of the earth, I turn off the lights, I unplug everything… I still don’t 100% believe the whole “87 acres of the Amazon are being cut down a minute thing” (because wouldn’t it be gone by now?) but I’m doing my part.

I recycle. Not just cans and bottles I recycle EVERYTHING that it is even kind of possible to recycle. I give things away to Salvation Army all the time, every time I move I give away tens of thousands of pounds of clothing, lamps, books, dishes and whatever else I happen to have around, recently I even gave away stuffed animals given to me by ex boyfriends, because for real what are you supposed to do with those? My favorite thing I do is sneak my recycled cans and bottles out of the office every Friday. I have a plastic bag taped under my desk that I fill all week, with a sign next to it that says “To recycle, please do not throw away.” The sign is so far under my desk that you’d have to crawl to see it but since someone thought it was ok to steal my cans and bottles one night, it’s necessary.

I’m also on a one-woman crusade to end post cards and unnecessary inserts in publications. Every time I open a stupid magazine 47 subscription cards fall out… who the heck is still mailing in subscription cards? Nobody in 2008 is reading Vogue and thinking “Gee I wish I had some way to contact Vogue via actual mail and tell them that I want to receive more magazines.” I’ve started bringing my quest to the streets and emailing people who I think deserve a stern talking to! When the department of health put approximately 938757985 post cards in the AM New York advertising that cigarettes are now $8 I was actually livid! On my commute from Queens to Manhattan they were everywhere! I emailed them a very long email calling their ad campaign grossly inappropriate, and that lung cancer cannot be fought with street pollution and they should be ashamed of themselves! After that I come home and Verizon has sent me the billionth postcard for a change to a family plan! This inspired an email that said “I really like my plan, my family doesn’t live here, I don’t want a family plan, please stop sending me postcards.” Apparently it wasn’t worded strongly enough and now they call me every day and leave messages like “um m’am we’re sorry we don’t really understand your request, could you please call us back?” which I won’t do, of course.

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