Top Ten Misheard Song Lyrics
Just about every time anyone asks where we’re going next or what do you want to do tonight or what’s your reason to live, I inevitably end up shouting “KARAOKEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!” I mean, what’s not to love? Coworker camaraderie forced by way of 2-for-1 giant Sapporos and unagi rolls while I singscream a 3-minute commentary on bizarre juxtapositions of video (people riding “motorbikes” to a beach off the coast of Japan) and audio (2Pac’s “How Do You Want It”)??? Yes, please. In fact, MORE.
However, there are times in this life when one is asked to recall a song without the aid of tiny Japanglish words flashed on a big screen. I fondly recall being forced to listen to hours upon hours of Top 40 Lite Jamz during 3-hour-long rides in the car with Ye Olde Folkes, never really knowing what the hell Aaron Neville was crooning about but singing along anyway. You can imagine what “Don’t Know Much” sounded like to an 8-year-old. (Something like this: “Ahhhdohmohhhhhmhuchhhhmaattaaoohhaaaahhloveyouuuuuuuuuu.”)
So: to pay homage to those Neville-infused journeys, that fabulous mole, and all the other word mufflers who came before and after him, I present my list of Top Ten Misheard Song Lyrics:
10. Blinded by the light, wrapped up like a douche.
9. ‘Scuse me while I kiss this guy.
8. Hold me closer, Tony Danza.
7. Alex the Seal.
6. Mr. Sandman, bring me a drink.
5. Climb every woman.
4. Might as well face it, you’re a d*ck with a glove.
3. Of the crosseyed bear that you gave to me (…DAVE BOO-LIER)
2. I’ll never leave your pizza burning.
1. Take your pants down, and make it happen.
It just CAN’T get any better than Flashdance. Come on.
Also, this EXTREMELY Honorable Mention – because my loony bun IS fine, Benny Lava.