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Top Ten “Shit My Dad Says” Tweets

I do not “do” the Twitter. I don’t lead, or follow, or Twit, or Twat in 140 characters or less. In fact, I generally think of the service as nothing more than yet ANOTHER venue (first came “pop culture” blogging) for jobless vainglorious idiots to express their pathetic existences (with some notable exceptions).

Today, I realized what it’s all about.

10. “The worst thing you can be is a liar….Okay fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but THEN, number two is liar. Nazi 1, Liar 2”

9. “Mom is smarter than you…No? Well, ask yourself this; has mom ever unknowingly had toilet paper hanging out of her ass?…Mom 1. You 0”

8. “The dog is not bored, it’s a fucking dog. It’s not like he’s waiting for me to give him a fucking rubix cube. He’s a god damned dog.”

7. “I just did an hour on the gym machine. I’m sweaty and I have to shit. Where’s my fannypack, this workout is over.”

6. “It’s never the right time to have kids, but it’s always the right time for screwing. God’s not a dumbshit. He knows how it works.”

5. “You sure do like to tailgate people… Right, because it’s real important you show up to the nothing you have to do on time.”

4. “You’re like a tornado of bullshit right now. We’ll talk again after your bullshit dies out over someone else’s house.”

3. “Oh please, you practically invented lazy. People should have to call you and ask for the rights to lazy before they use it.”

2. “Sometimes life leaves a hundred dollar bill on your dresser, and you don’t realize until later that it’s because it fucked you.”

1. “Does anyone your age know how to comb their fucking hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their head and started fucking.”

4 thoughts on “Top Ten “Shit My Dad Says” Tweets”

  1. Jamie says:

    So much gold.

    “That woman was sexy…Out of your league? Son. Let women figure out why they won’t screw you, don’t do it for them.”

    “Do these announcers ever shut the fuck up? Don’t ever say stuff just because you think you should. That’s the definition of an asshole.”

  2. Jamie says:

    So much gold.

    “That woman was sexy…Out of your league? Son. Let women figure out why they won’t screw you, don’t do it for them.”

    “Do these announcers ever shut the fuck up? Don’t ever say stuff just because you think you should. That’s the definition of an asshole.”

  3. Billy Dukes says:

    Amen- endless gold.

    “A house divided against itself cannot stand.”

    “Allow the president to invade a neighboring nation, whenever he shall deem it necessary to repel an invasion, and you allow him to do so whenever he may choose to say he deems it necessary for such a purpose – and you allow him to make war at pleasure.”

    “Any people anywhere, being inclined and having the power, have the right to rise up, and shake off the existing government, and form a new one that suits them better. This is a most valuable – a most sacred right – a right, which we hope and believe, is to liberate the world.”

    That’s shit my dad says. My dad Abe.

  4. Billy Dukes says:

    Amen- endless gold.

    “A house divided against itself cannot stand.”

    “Allow the president to invade a neighboring nation, whenever he shall deem it necessary to repel an invasion, and you allow him to do so whenever he may choose to say he deems it necessary for such a purpose – and you allow him to make war at pleasure.”

    “Any people anywhere, being inclined and having the power, have the right to rise up, and shake off the existing government, and form a new one that suits them better. This is a most valuable – a most sacred right – a right, which we hope and believe, is to liberate the world.”

    That’s shit my dad says. My dad Abe.

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