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Movie Reviews of Movies I Haven’t Seen: Where the Wild Things Are

I have a dilemma. Can anyone remember what the heck happens in “Where the Wild Things Are?” I keep talking to people and they’re like “OMG I can’t wait best book ever reminds me of my youth yay!” and I’m like “Great, could you maybe go over some of the major plot points with me?” and they can’t.
Trying to find out what happens online is useless. Yahoo Answers has a ridiculous answer to the question “Where can I read WTWTA on the internet?” I’m all for intellectual property rights but as far as I can tell the book’s been around for 50million years, so I’m sure the author isn’t hungry. I’m also pretty sure that the number of people trying to read it online if there wasn’t a movie per year would be approx: 7.
Therefore I cannot review this movie until I read the book, and I can’t buy the book (it’s 10 sentences long for crap’s sake) because I’m an adult. However, I can’t see the movie until I read the book. (Stuff White People: Like the best source of actual information on this topic)

But more importantly, once a book has been made into a movie, a white person can no longer read that book. To have read the book after the movie is one of the great crimes in white culture, and under no circumstances should you ever admit to doing this. Literally dozens of white friendships have imploded when it was revealed that someone read Fight Club after 1999.

Well that explains this epic longing to read it… can someone please tell me what it’s about?

8 thoughts on “Movie Reviews of Movies I Haven’t Seen: Where the Wild Things Are”

  1. Jenny says:

    Dear Hawkes,

    I have never agreed more to your posts than I do with this one. I could honestly care less about this movie. I think I picked up the book once, looked at the photos, got creeped out, then went picked up a book with an actual story line. I mean, sheesh, it’s like making a movie based on The Red Balloon…WHICH I think someone did (but I think it’s a French movie and the French are just WEIRD so they don’t count).

    They should do a movie based on Where’s Waldo. That’s something I’d actually be interested in seeing.

  2. Jenny says:

    Dear Hawkes,

    I have never agreed more to your posts than I do with this one. I could honestly care less about this movie. I think I picked up the book once, looked at the photos, got creeped out, then went picked up a book with an actual story line. I mean, sheesh, it’s like making a movie based on The Red Balloon…WHICH I think someone did (but I think it’s a French movie and the French are just WEIRD so they don’t count).

    They should do a movie based on Where’s Waldo. That’s something I’d actually be interested in seeing.

  3. Matt says:

    From what I remember of the book (I probably haven’t read it since I was 6 or 7), it was very non-narrative in style. There was no clear chain of events, no rising action or climax to speak of; it didn’t tell a story so much as it sketched the outlines of the child’s fantasy life.

    All of this works great in a picture book, but on its own, won’t translate well to film. It was a brilliant, imaginative piece of children’s literature, but to make it work on the big screen, they’re going to have to extrapolate from and expand upon the book’s themes pretty heavily. It could work really well as an adaptation, but even if it ends up being a brilliant piece of cinema, it won’t be quite the same. And that’s okay, as long as it doesn’t rape my childhood memories.

  4. Matt says:

    From what I remember of the book (I probably haven’t read it since I was 6 or 7), it was very non-narrative in style. There was no clear chain of events, no rising action or climax to speak of; it didn’t tell a story so much as it sketched the outlines of the child’s fantasy life.

    All of this works great in a picture book, but on its own, won’t translate well to film. It was a brilliant, imaginative piece of children’s literature, but to make it work on the big screen, they’re going to have to extrapolate from and expand upon the book’s themes pretty heavily. It could work really well as an adaptation, but even if it ends up being a brilliant piece of cinema, it won’t be quite the same. And that’s okay, as long as it doesn’t rape my childhood memories.

  5. Adrien Goulet says:

    PLOT:
    1) Kid is dressed up like an animal thing for some reason
    2) Kid chases dog with a fork, gets sent to his room. Is angry.
    3) Kid imagines that he is in a forest, then on a boat. He sees a sea monster.
    4) He reaches shore, meets “wild things”.
    5) They try to growl and whatnot at him, he isn’t impressed.
    6) He growls at them. They are impressed. He is not King of Wild Things.
    7) They dance and do all sorts of not-scary, not really wild things.
    8) Kid gets bored and lonely for home
    9) Kid hops in his boat and sails off and ends up back in his room and smiles.

    And you don’t need to worry about “reading” the book before the movie since there are no words, so you are in the clear.

    THE END.

  6. Adrien Goulet says:

    PLOT:
    1) Kid is dressed up like an animal thing for some reason
    2) Kid chases dog with a fork, gets sent to his room. Is angry.
    3) Kid imagines that he is in a forest, then on a boat. He sees a sea monster.
    4) He reaches shore, meets “wild things”.
    5) They try to growl and whatnot at him, he isn’t impressed.
    6) He growls at them. They are impressed. He is not King of Wild Things.
    7) They dance and do all sorts of not-scary, not really wild things.
    8) Kid gets bored and lonely for home
    9) Kid hops in his boat and sails off and ends up back in his room and smiles.

    And you don’t need to worry about “reading” the book before the movie since there are no words, so you are in the clear.

    THE END.

  7. Hawkes Klein says:

    hahah the 8 turned into a face with sunglasses.
    Fitting.

  8. Hawkes Klein says:

    hahah the 8 turned into a face with sunglasses.
    Fitting.

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