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Top 5 Reasons NOT to date a Musician

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I’m helping a few friends through the jungles of online dating and thought that maybe I should pass my dating knowledge onto the world. Mistakes? I’ve made a few, but then again, too few to mention! Well, actually I’m going to list them for y’all to save some heartache, some money, and a crap ton of time.
Some background, I’ve had 5 serious boyfriends. Of the 4 that I’m not currently dating, three are married and one has a child. I talk to two of them regularly, and consider one of the two among my very best friends. The third I speak to on occasion on Facebook and the last has disappeared and can only be tracked via imdb.
Make sense?
So, from all that experience I’m going to give you my first piece of advice which I’ve entitled:

“If I have to listen to one more person sing me “Brown Eyed Girl” shirtless with an acoustic guitar I’m going to kill myself”

Lesson 1: Don’t date musicians

1. It’s a time commitment
I’m sure you’ve gone to see your friends’ bands play and they’re a pretty good break every month or so. Everybody mingles, you learn the words sort of and you have a great time. Now take that experience and multiply it by ONE MILLLION. Sister, you have to go to EVERY show, you even have to go to practice! You have to go to the shows in the basement at Jewish Community Centers at 5pm on a Sunday. You have to sit in the back of a van and unload a drum kit in New Jersey on Tuesdays. You have to stand behind a merch table in the back of a crowded club and dodge flying bodies from the mosh pit (true story, had bruises and got punched in the face). If you want to see your boyfriend at all you have to go to everything, and if you miss just one you’re in a ton of trouble and clearly don’t understand his passions.

2. They’re not going to be very good
Let’s face it, Justin Timberlake is not knocking on your door (he may be knocking on my sisters, if all goes to plan, but still). So not only do you have to go to a million shows you have to go to a million “eh” shows. I can tell you right now that the green room at CBGBs was a cesspool, and they don’t get much better anywhere else. More often than not you’ll either find yourself sitting on a couch drinking free beers surrounded by smoking 19 year olds, or at the bar. (note, drink tickets are a plus) It’ll progressively get worse if they start recording, you’re going to have to put it on your Ipod. Several times I’ve been listening to my ‘pod on random and thought “WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!” and then felt bad.

3. They’re probably going to cheat on you
Picture this: You spend the night with the lead singer of a band. He makes you dinner, you drink wine, you talk secrets all night. You’re pretty freaking happy! The next night you see a random friend at one of his shows… she sees you. “Hey what are you doing here!”s ensue. And oh, turns out her friend is the lead singers GIRLFRIEND. Um. Excuse me? Awkward. It’s super romantic to think that Jon Bon Jovi married his highschool girlfriend, but ladies do remember that he freaking left her for Diane Lane. When DL broke JBJ’s heart he wrote “You give love a bad name” and back to the old gf. What’s worse? Having him leave and come back, or having one of his most awesome songs be about her?

4. They’re going to write songs about you
Both good and bad. I’ve had two. One was written post break up and is called something like “love heartbroken” and has lyrics that sound something like “she was awesome but I freaking hate her guts right now.” Thanks, I’ll send that one to my Mom. One (which thank god I can’t find on line) was even on the radio in Vegas! Heeeey look at me! I can’t remember the exact chorus but it goes something like “Missing you is like going days without water, not getting to hold you feels like torture, if this is what it’s like to be without your touch then I’ll seeee you in my dreaaaaaaaams.” I’m getting pangs of embarrassment as I type this, I used to play this song for people. In college I had that guys freaking HEADSHOT autographed by my bed. What? That doesn’t even make sense.

5. There is possibility for VERY embarrassing things
As embarrassing as it is to have a mediocre boy band song written about you, it can get worse. You have to make small talk with other girlfriends of band members and there’s hardly anything to say. You have to endure people telling you that the songs are super good, when you know that they’re lying. You’re probably going to have to crawl onto the stage and deliver bottles of water to the members mid-set. But it’s not even that that’s the worst of it. Sometimes you find yourself totally overcome with the urge to sing along at the top of your lungs and there are never more than 5 people doing this. Sometimes you’re so desperate to catch your boyfriend’s eye that you’ll find yourself standing on couches and tables waving like a lunatic. You begin to hate every female in the room, you get so overcome with jealousy that you turn into a crazy person. At its worst you may start requesting “Your Eyes” by Peter Gabriel every single day! Someday you may even find yourself in Germany where you accidentally kiss a lunatic who happens to be the lead singer of a band. You’re suckered into watching him play and he decides that it makes sense to announce that his guitar is his “baby.” THEN he turns red and looks at you and says IN FRONT OF EVERY ONE “I mean… my second baby.” Oh dear sweet lord erase that memory from my brain!

Dating someone who is talented and artsy is a totally reasonable thing to want to do. It all seems so exciting, but believe me it gets old fast. A musician will do the same thing over and over each night and you have to BE there! Plus, he’ll leave on tour and you have no idea what he’s doing while he’s gone, I’m telling you right now I don’t trust him. It’s not a lifestyle made for dating, so go buy yourself a CD of a band you actually like and spend your days fantasizing about dating the bassist. Just keep it a fantasy, your heart will thank you.

Which brings me to next weeks column:

“My love 4 you is like tree it grows higher each day”
Lesson 2: Don’t date Europeans

** image via http://www.whosdatedwho.com/ which is awesome, btw **

38 thoughts on “Top 5 Reasons NOT to date a Musician”

  1. mike brady says:

    While I have written a song for someone I have thankfully never written a song about someone. These are all valid reasons, glad I was never in a band else this could hurt my “game”. Awesome list!

  2. mike brady says:

    While I have written a song for someone I have thankfully never written a song about someone. These are all valid reasons, glad I was never in a band else this could hurt my “game”. Awesome list!

  3. victor says:

    “Dating someone who is talented and artsy is a totally reasonable thing to want to do. It all seems so exciting, but believe me it gets old fast.”

    Trouble in paradise? 😉

  4. victor says:

    “Dating someone who is talented and artsy is a totally reasonable thing to want to do. It all seems so exciting, but believe me it gets old fast.”

    Trouble in paradise? 😉

  5. Liz says:

    Okay, so I read this about half an hour before leaving work, and it cracked me up SO HARD, I forwarded it to my girlfriend, so she could read it before we left work, and we could discuss it.

    a) I REMEMBER THAT SONG. I also remember the picture. There is blackmail material in my picture box, and it is AWESOME.

    b) “If I have to listen to one more person sing me “Brown Eyed Girl” shirtless with an acoustic guitar I’m going to kill myself”

    Is probably the best summary of dating a musician EVER.

    c) They’re not going to be very good

    YEAH.

    I dated a musician, too, at one point (What! It was LOVE, mom! So what if he was MUMBLEMANY years older than me! What we had was REAL! Until summer was over, and I went back to college…) and this? Really resonated! Except for the CBGBs part. He was never THAT cool.

    Ah, good times. And this is awesome. I am already anticipating the next installment.

  6. Liz says:

    Okay, so I read this about half an hour before leaving work, and it cracked me up SO HARD, I forwarded it to my girlfriend, so she could read it before we left work, and we could discuss it.

    a) I REMEMBER THAT SONG. I also remember the picture. There is blackmail material in my picture box, and it is AWESOME.

    b) “If I have to listen to one more person sing me “Brown Eyed Girl” shirtless with an acoustic guitar I’m going to kill myself”

    Is probably the best summary of dating a musician EVER.

    c) They’re not going to be very good

    YEAH.

    I dated a musician, too, at one point (What! It was LOVE, mom! So what if he was MUMBLEMANY years older than me! What we had was REAL! Until summer was over, and I went back to college…) and this? Really resonated! Except for the CBGBs part. He was never THAT cool.

    Ah, good times. And this is awesome. I am already anticipating the next installment.

  7. Evelyn says:

    It’s different if the movie your significant other has made is one you WANT to watch one million times.

  8. Evelyn says:

    It’s different if the movie your significant other has made is one you WANT to watch one million times.

  9. Pingback: Top 4 reasons NOT to date a European (+ one reason to date a British dude if you must) | POPTEN | Top Ten Lists for Pop Culture Junkies
  10. Trackback: Top 4 reasons NOT to date a European (+ one reason to date a British dude if you must) | POPTEN | Top Ten Lists for Pop Culture Junkies
  11. one of musician ex's says:

    so, being the catalyst for at least a portion of the experiences that populate this list, i feel somewhat compelled to add some qualifiers. i know its all love and bla bla, but you know, the little pride i still do allow myself begs for some clarification…

    1.) yes, a couple of those bands were terrible. even i didnt like listening to it. but, as a responsible member, you always look for the best in what you do and try your hardest to make it palatable to your friends who might not otherwise “get it” (even if you yourself dont really get it either). still, those terrible bands were the base for what eventually led me to join some far better, far more interesting, musical endeavors, including european and west coast tours with some of my all time favorite bands. if things continue to go well, ill be able to add japan and south east asia to the list……. all thanks to those jewish conventional hall basement shows. you know how it is, dues must be paid, you just have to stick with it.

    2.) you never had to come to all the shows. it was just more fun (well for me at least haha) when you were there. and youre going to have to remind me about the punch in the face, because ive never been to jail, and i probably would have ended up there if i knew you had been “attacked” haha.

    3.) no where in the song i wrote about you are you referred to as awesome haha (though i still think you are), but i guarantee, when you hear the final product, youre going to kick yourself for listening to it 100 times before you get sick of it….. for a couple months and then start listening to it all the time all over again. and, its about the whole slew of you (ex’s, heartbreakers, etc), you just got me to finally put it all on paper. p.s. ill bet your mom likes it too when she hears it.

    3.) i think you complaints are better described as “why punk rockers/hardcore kids and non punk rockers/hardcore kids shouldnt date.” theres a difference between “musicians” and kids who play instruments. i can fall under both, but no in the ways you complained about. and as far as what happens when someone goes on tour… i think i remember correctly our situation being somewhat flipped 😉 (please excuse the winky face).

    at any rate… thanks for your patience through those years. i could barely stand it at points, so i could only imagine what it was like for a girl out of the scene to have to tolerate. its all love tiny mcbigface.

    xxx

  12. one of musician ex's says:

    so, being the catalyst for at least a portion of the experiences that populate this list, i feel somewhat compelled to add some qualifiers. i know its all love and bla bla, but you know, the little pride i still do allow myself begs for some clarification…

    1.) yes, a couple of those bands were terrible. even i didnt like listening to it. but, as a responsible member, you always look for the best in what you do and try your hardest to make it palatable to your friends who might not otherwise “get it” (even if you yourself dont really get it either). still, those terrible bands were the base for what eventually led me to join some far better, far more interesting, musical endeavors, including european and west coast tours with some of my all time favorite bands. if things continue to go well, ill be able to add japan and south east asia to the list……. all thanks to those jewish conventional hall basement shows. you know how it is, dues must be paid, you just have to stick with it.

    2.) you never had to come to all the shows. it was just more fun (well for me at least haha) when you were there. and youre going to have to remind me about the punch in the face, because ive never been to jail, and i probably would have ended up there if i knew you had been “attacked” haha.

    3.) no where in the song i wrote about you are you referred to as awesome haha (though i still think you are), but i guarantee, when you hear the final product, youre going to kick yourself for listening to it 100 times before you get sick of it….. for a couple months and then start listening to it all the time all over again. and, its about the whole slew of you (ex’s, heartbreakers, etc), you just got me to finally put it all on paper. p.s. ill bet your mom likes it too when she hears it.

    3.) i think you complaints are better described as “why punk rockers/hardcore kids and non punk rockers/hardcore kids shouldnt date.” theres a difference between “musicians” and kids who play instruments. i can fall under both, but no in the ways you complained about. and as far as what happens when someone goes on tour… i think i remember correctly our situation being somewhat flipped 😉 (please excuse the winky face).

    at any rate… thanks for your patience through those years. i could barely stand it at points, so i could only imagine what it was like for a girl out of the scene to have to tolerate. its all love tiny mcbigface.

    xxx

  13. one of musician ex's says:

    that was riddled with spelling errors and way too man “haha”s. this is what happens when you write things at work while your employees are asking you 800 questions every 10 minutes.

    xxx

  14. one of musician ex's says:

    that was riddled with spelling errors and way too man “haha”s. this is what happens when you write things at work while your employees are asking you 800 questions every 10 minutes.

    xxx

  15. Hawkes Klein says:

    hahahaha it’s all out of love stinge, you know that!

  16. Hawkes Klein says:

    hahahaha it’s all out of love stinge, you know that!

  17. Billy bob says:

    In my experience of dating rock stars, movie actors, musicians, whatever, the person I date always cheats on me, they would rather make love to their music than to their lover. Im just kidding, but you know it doesnt take a rocket scientist to be a musician it requires luck, skill, and commitment, but it doesnt require faithfullness to anyone. So if you want to find your true love, just marry someone who is like you meaning they look attractive to you, but you still see them on a daily basis, if you dont follow my advice you will be cheated on by someone who does follow my advice, I dont know who random viewer , but it is a universal truth that it is better to see your lover on a daily basis, and for your lover to love you on a daily basis, than it is to have a long distance relationship. It is possible to have a long distance relationship, but it is Hell just take my advice, and you will suffer less anguish over thinking someone is cheating on you. I am giving away free wisdom, if you dont take it and you suffer, and look back at this text, then imagine my face laughing at you.

  18. tmp says:

    I’ve dated a few musicians over the years and even married – then divorced – one. Let me tell you, they are not my cup of tea. All that stuff about being able to spend quality time via attending practices and shows? True. Very, very true. I have no memory of me and my musician-lovers ever going on a vacation together just to get away, ever going out for a romantic dinner, ever celebrating an anniversary, or ever doing anything “together” without the band/music/touring. I have no memory of us doing anything the way regular couples do.

    Also let me make a comment about sex.

    Girls want to date musicians because they are sexually attractive, sexually charged, and seem like they would be dynamite in the sack. Every musician I’ve dated (and my ex-husband) were not only selfish in bed, but boring. However, the average-joe men that I’ve been with, as well as my current fiance who is a theater/english teacher are amazing in bed. They are sensitive, sweet, and know exactly what they are doing.

    I’m not saying all musicians fail in bed. But in my experience, that seems to be the case. So I often wonder if, on a much larger scale, this phenomenon might be true.

    I highly encourage women to consider dating writers, thinkers – men who are more involved in literature and performance art. They still have that charisma that draws an audience to them whilst on stage, but they are not as egotistical, they actually have a brain, and their free time is way more dedicated to their loved ones – including you. Plus if you want to get involved with them…it’s actually fun. You can help do makeup, create costumes and build sets. You can do audio/sound design (if you are so talented) and entire audiences will be amazed (and aware) of the work you put into doing a show. Plus your name is put on the bill and every gets to read it and when the play/musical is over, people (of all types, not just insane little girls) will come up to you and tell you what a wonderful job you did with the music, or the costumes, or the makeup etc. It is very rewarding.

    Also most theaters are nice, air-conditioned, and clean.

    And there are not any groupies. Just a bunch of artists and performers – very interesting people to talk to. More often than not, you make REAL friends with REAL people and those friendships last a lifetime.

  19. With Amazing musician says:

    So. I come across these things every now and then, out of whim, I search this kind of stuff, and never have I not been surprised by what I read.
    I disagree with just about everything this says…Everything.
    If you get with a guy for the band aspect, because yes, even I will admit there’s something about a performer that is incredibly attractive, then maybe you are signing up for all of these things…but in my experience, things are completely different.
    My love is in a semi-successful band. Honestly, i dont even know what they consider themselves in that aspect…but anyway..
    I have never ever been included in anything having even slightly to do with the band. I attend shows as support from time to time, but usually its just when they play with a big name.
    My boyfriend, and his band mates, are all the same, they DO NOT get the girls involved at all…ever…With the exception of maybe one of them, but Im not so sure.
    If your guy being in a band is a plus to you, you shouldnt be together….
    I know the lyrics to maybe one song, and only because my little sister loves the band.
    My boyfriend would hate it if I actually liked their music.
    There’s a difference between dating a responsible musician, one that is really in it as a career, and one that does it half-assed, and for the scene.
    I also have never had a song written about, nor for me…But I would like it…either way.
    There’s just so much misconception, its annoying. When you date a musician who has an actual passion for music, you’re gonna get something completely different than that jackass lead singer of a mediocre band that plays in crappy clubs every other weekend.
    The only complaints I actually have are those that seem selfish.
    A musician’s head almost revolves around music, and the band…Actually, most times, my boyfriend isnt really passionate about the band, but he takes it on like a job..most times…The party scene is extra.
    Everything is about music, and its almost impossible to agree on music taste. You’ll never want to sing or play or anything in front of them, for fear of not being good enough.
    They’re devoted, its pure passion, and its inhibits their head…It can be annoying…
    Instability. Everything goes towards the band..Its work, make music, and band…thats about it. They make enough to live, and everything else goes to music..so, yeah, dont ever expect to go out, unless you’re partying.
    Oh…and about being good in the sack…
    Haha…it is not the same for everyone…Thats for sure.
    Though, there is that side of “Shit, he’s fucking awesome because he’s been with so many people”.
    Yeah, that one sucks.
    So, basically, you have to be cut out to be with a musician…or it will never survive. You have to get the right one, just like with any other guy.
    Well..I have more to say, but, this is already too terribly long.

  20. Bagheera says:

    LOL… this made me laugh. A lot. I’m not sure you’re even gonna receive this comment, but I was about to post a little dig at some friends of mine on facebook, including the lyrics to a song, and I googled them just to be sure they were right…

    Lo and behold, the only link I find to that song is yours. The lyrics you’re so embarrassed to put up here are from a song by ‘4 Now’… my college roomie was dating one of the guys from the band, and I can remember listening to their demo with her.

    Too friggin’ funny…

  21. Isabelle says:

    Ok “With Amazing Musician” (really did you choose this name?) – How long have you been with your musician boyfriend because this article is EVERY bit true as gravity.

    I dated a musician on-off for some years (Is there ANY other way for them?) and trust me; biggest mistake and BEST lesson of my life.

    Musicians are selfish infants who cant wrap their head around the fact that there is a world beyond and outside their own egos. Their lifestyles if they are true to their passion and THAT devoted is just not meant for a stable relationship. We are not arguing here that they are bad people, like any non musicians there are good and bad ones but AS A WHOLE, the artistic type of guy and in this case musicians, dont make for great boyfriends.

  22. I hate him says:

    I dated a musician (singer/songwriter) for 16 years. I really loved him. I went to all of his shows. I designed his promotions. I promoted his music on the internet. I worked the door collecting money. I even donated snacks spending $40 or $50 since he never had money.

    Well, last year I caught him for the 2nd time writing love poems to another woman. It was a woman that he never dated, but hadn’t seen in 18 years. I got very upset and he said that I am too old fashioned and that HE is an artist. (By the way, I am an Art Director.) We broke up and guess what? He wrote an entire set of poems and songs for her. His new album is coming out and all the songs are about her, but she is not interested in dating her.

    All of the people I thought were my friends swoon over his love poems and music and could care less what he did to me. This guy is not a touring musician. He has a small local following. Long story short version. . . I dedicated 16 years of my life to this dude and came out with absolutely nothing.

    Do NOT date a musician.

  23. Trouble in Lonesome Town says:

    I recently broke up with a musician and that’s why I found this page. His band is actually very good, and I’m proud of him, however it seems that he could care less if I came to the shows and half the time felt like he didn’t want me there.. Probably so he can flirt with girls. As someone stated above, he seems very sexually charged on stage, but not that interested in pleasuring me or being very interested in sex. Very selfish in and out of the sac. I know he cheated on a previous girlfriend on tour. It seems he did throw in some lines about me in a song, but perhaps while we were arguing, because it didn’t seem very nice, so I had to listen to it over and over again, and suck in the pain knowing it’s probably about me.

  24. guest says:

    I know more musicians that anything. the ones I know who have good relationships are the ones with girl friends who are just as obsessed with them being in a band as they are. some girls love the “look at me, that’s MY boyfriend playing guitar up there!” more than anything they have ever experienced. They feel like they are hot shit too. So if you can find yourself a desperate little attention starved groupie, you got yourself a girlfriend!

  25. guest says:

    OH YEA!!! one other thing. When you break up with a musician, EVERYONE takes the musicians side. They need to maintain status quo, be part of the in crowd, be Facebook friends with the cool band people. BOOM! people who have been your friend for years just stop speaking to you, just like that!

  26. john says:

    The part where “you have to go to every show” isn’t true. You really don’t, in fact it’s better when you don’t.
    The musician might actually be very good, though, I agree with OP this is typically not the case.
    Def true about the embarrassing factor, but it depends on the style of music and what goes along with it all. I’d avoid dating any musician, a lot of them are all about themselves and it’s just a “love me” fest at all times. And yes, playing a church basement on Sunday at 5pm, spare yourself, stay home and go on the internet, or meet up afterwards at a coffee shop. Funny article!!

  27. Happily Married Musician says:

    Ok, so as a musician, I truly have to add a little more to this conversation…especially since not all musicians are male (yeah, newsflash). Secondly, been happily married for 8 years and a good portion of my musician friends are happily married, and the divorce rate seems about the same as average. So maybe I can give some pointers on how to successfully date a musician, since, yes, life is all about music and nothing else. 😉

    1) It’s a time commitment
    Yep, it is. My husband is a coach, and he hates all music but Metallica, yet while we were dating I did manage to drag him to a lot of artsy strange music events (I was past my Goth band stage by then). Did he get it, no, not really. And eventually we realized that it was to our mutual benefit that he didn’t HAVE to attend every music event just like I didn’t HAVE to attend every powerlifting meet (seriously, all these guys grunting and lifting bars..what IS that all about?). So it was a matter of respecting each other’s worlds without drowning each other in them. I have an upcoming TedX talk. He’s going to the talk, but not the VIP party (he hates wearing a suit). Compromise and maturity.

    2) They’re not going to be very good
    Yep, true, because it takes decades to be good, and most people in the dating stage don’t have that behind them. You can either stick it out till they get better, wear earplugs, or dump them and look for a hot fifty year old who DOES play really great music.

    3) They’re probably going to cheat on you
    If they are immature, yes, they will. If they are immersed in a scene full of drugs and booze, then, yep, they probably will (and pretty much will any guy or girl stuck in that scene…heavy substance abuse does not equal fidelity). If there are tons of girls (or guys) throwing themselves at your would-be prince or princess and they don’t seem to mind, you might as well go walking, because if you can’t trust them on the road, then you don’t need to be with them. And if they cheat on you in the dating stage, then they just aren’t into you, so go get someone worth your time. And this is true even if your beau is a trucker or a doctor or a florist. If you can’t trust them in the workplace, then you don’t need to be with them. But be sure to chat with them at least once about this issue, in case they are clueless, and establish some ground rules. They break them, you walk. Not worth your time.

    4) They’re going to write songs about you
    Oh YES they will. And trust me, it isn’t going to be pretty when you go from being the love of their life to the bane of their existence. Just being honest. It happens.

    5) There is possibility for VERY embarrassing things
    Yep. Also expect a lot of extra work. My husband, a record-breaking powerlifter, knows that he’s expected to help me with my drums (and yeah, I COULD lift them myself, but its fun to watch his muscles ripple as he picks up the congas. Yeah, I’m that into him). And yep, he’s been one of five audience members at a concert, encouraged me when my music was clearly, uhm, sucky, and even watches our daughter when I need six hours of recording time uninterrupted. Just like I support him in his coaching career, he’s there for me, too, even if he doesn’t really understand why he is helping push a piano into the ocean as part of a Fluxus music ritual (also true).

    Yep, musicians are pretty self-centered and crazy sometimes, but then again, that’s why so many folks love us. We make life interesting and fun and a little spontaneous, passionate and deep and creative. But that also means that it takes some patience to put up with us until maturity helps us settle down some.

    So yeah, if any guy or girl treats you badly, then dump them, but don’t give up on musicians entirely. It takes a few years, but eventually most of us realize that there is something amazing about that one person that will support your passions and be your #1 fan!

    Best!
    S. Young
    Award-winning Electronica Artist
    Libertaria: The Virtual Opera

  28. Heather:) says:

    I’ve recently read this article and I’m rather bemused by it. You see I, myself, am a drummer and my lovely boyfriend is a bass player. Not once have we ever cheated on each other and not once have we ever forced each other to go to our gigs. We also always make time for each other. It’s never all about the music. There’s music we love and play but that doesn’t mean we push each other off to the side. I guess because we’re both musicians who’ve studied music for a very long time and also been together for a long time it’s been easy because we understand each other and know what we have to do in order to succeed but in no way does that mean we’re going to fuck each other over in the process. Just because some ones is a musician doesn’t mean you should push them off to the side because a few fucked you over. I’ve dated non musicians and musicians both equally as shitty as the next. But my man
    is the most talented bass player I’ve ever met and the most genuine guy on the planet. I got lucky. Musician or not 😉

  29. Michael says:

    I went to the internet today because I (an avid producer/engineer) feel as though I can never have a serious relationship with a woman because of my path as a musician. I have just graduated from Jazz school in CO, and I finally got my first show playing a Big Music Festival. It’s everything I have ever wanted, but when I look at my other friends(financial advisors/business) I wonder if i am missing out. Everyone seems to be settling into their own little worlds, but I guess thats why I started playing music. I always wanted something different, something that was bigger than the cookie cutter lifestyle that american culture suggests. Even this article presumptuously puts people into classifications, a musician is a business person in all reality. It takes so much to make it in this industry that we as musicians have to craft ourselves as marketers, graphic designers, bloggers, website designers, writers, and above all leaders. If we want to lead our audience/band members, it has to start with mutual respect, loyalty, and professionalism. This is what will make him/her successful, and this is also what will them a suitable partner. So the next time you meet a musician and he/she seems to have chemistry with you, give them a shot. Most are loyal, romantic, and passionate about everything they do in life. Challenge them, and they will challenge you. Life is all about broadening our horizons, not trapping ourselves and diminishing those new opportunities. Next time you meet a musician! Give him a shot, he/she might rock your world. =)

  30. Sam says:

    The word ‘musician’ should not automatically , and so quickly refer to a man.
    Tragic and sexist assumption.
    I understand that the article written here appears to portray the character traits of male musicians that the OP dated, but many ‘musicians’ are female.
    Most of the commenters immediately feel comfortable taking the tone that ‘music’ is a mans job.
    All I have to say is that maybe you should pick up an instrument yourself, whether you are male or female, and learn to have Your Own Voice.
    I saddened that in this day and age, we so easily disregard this as a point of conversation.
    Music is genderless.
    Check out Cindy Blackman for start.

    Peace

  31. Melony says:

    Oh. My. God! This is so so so so so very much accurate. My ex-boyfriend totally put band as his number one priority and would always cancel plans with me so he could practice, hang out with the band, and of course, go to shows! One time I went to one of the shows and was there until 4 o’clock in the morning were my friend proceeded to. Hit an ambulance with her car and a very scary part downtown. Also, when we broke up he told me that I was holding him back from his own destiny of being a famous guitarist. Ha ha ha PS his band sucks ass and he can’t sing ! Bye ass hole

  32. FarmerBill says:

    Thank you so much for this. You sound like a great lady, first because you know the difference between shit music and the kind of music that gets played for people to mosh to, and you also seem like a great sport.

    I would add one thing, from the musician’s point of view-

    I had a girlfriend who was just drop-dead gorgeous, and she would come to my shows decked out in short-shorts, cowboy boots and belly-revealing shirt. She would come up to the front of the stage and start dancing, which meant ALL the attention of the male attendees went directly to her, and ALL their girlfriends HATED my girlfriend, and I would be standing there singing and watching her dance with different guys and it would bug the livin’ crap out of me. Fortunately she was understanding when I asked her to enter through the back entrance and stand in the back during shows, or at least tone down the “I’m the hottest girl in the room” thing, which she most definitely was, but there is a time and place for that.

    Another girlfriend would grab a chair and park herself FIVE FEET AWAY FROM THE STAGE and STARE at me all through the set.

    Hey, hey, my, my…

  33. Ben says:

    This should be tiltled: 1 reason not to date a blogger.

  34. JacksonBegley says:

    This… This is the single stupidest countdown list I have ever read… It’s just another one of these bitchy women saying “You’re spending too much time on music and not enough time on me! I am angry about this because I only care about myself, and not your needs! Everything has to go my way, or the highway!” I hate these kinds of women.

  35. Sponge says:

    Something not mentioned but it needs to be: after the glamor of being with a musician wears off you end up seeing very
    clearly that the paychecks to your household are low and you embraced a person working in a shitty, crappy low-paid erratic profession. If you want to have a boring and poverty stricken old-age then by all means pair up with a musician. I wish I’d married a dentist or
    a doctor who was musical but not soley a musician.Life would have been easier. My parents tried to talk me out of pairing up with
    a musician long term but would I listen? No. Wish I had.

  36. free music downloads says:

    Tip 4 – But which G. On the piano, these are also every other white key.
    Learning how to spot intervals does just that.

  37. Lance W. says:

    The main reason NOT to date a musician: he or she is a musician…

  38. Someone who thinks differently says:

    Ok I’m kinda a musician myself and I’ve never really had a real relationship experience before. And I was totally cool with that till 1-2 years ago. Than I met a boy that the first time I saw him, I thought to myself “man he’s sometin else”. He’s amazingly talented. Plays many instruments and has a band about to release an album. And yes HE IS the LEAD.
    But my father provides for us via music so I’ve known lots of guys in that status. No one has ever made me feel the way he does. I hate it.
    But we clicked instantly, not in a romantic way(i think). We sing together harmonizing and it has a melting effect.
    He is not a douche. What I’ve gathered from the stuff he’s told me(we are so able to talk to each other) he really cares when it comes to it. He has wrote songs for exes sure, he still feels the pain everytime he sings them. Makes me mad. But, I don’t know. And honestly don’t know if I’m in love but there’s that thing that makes me feel like he’s the only person who can put up with my voice, the only one who would play for me tirelessly(he really would).
    Before him I didn’t think anyone for me was even born. Now I’m like he’s finally shown his face. So after reading this and most of the comments I felt like writing here and sayin”just give it a chance cause i want to cause i believe it might be the best thing”
    Also for anyone who knows think of tyler and jenna joseph they’re perfect.

  39. Hawkes Klein says:

    Hi “Someone who thinks differently”! I’m so happy for you!!

    Of course it happens and can be a for real thing! Don’t let him drag you around be clear about your feelings & good luck! <3

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